Because I want black tea right now. Because I miss hanging out with Fae Mao. Because I miss hanging out with Ge Ge. Because I miss exercising without any kind of bodily injuries and the only thing I'd have to worry about is if I brought enough water. Because I want something simple and that very easy kind of day where you just don't really need anything else, but your friends because you know that you can have the simplest time with your friends and it's good enough. Because I don't need a guy in my life or a relationship. I really don't. It's a plus I guess, but I don't.
Because the guy I can't help, but like at the very end of the day, just doesn't get it. It's nice that he wants to talk. It's nice that he wants to call, but I'm just too much of a bitch to really want what he wants when he wants it, even if I can't talk to him. Even if I can't be on the phone.
I'm in the kind of mood where nothing I do is good enough for myself..where if I just sit and do nothing, I feel like I'm waiting for something and I have no idea what the hell I'm waiting for. At the end of the day, I just don't care enough, and that scares the shit out of me. Not caring enough really scares me, up to a point where I feel like if I just wait long enough...I'm just the lazy one hoping that something will happen to me. Because when it comes down to it, I'm not the one in the Bruno Mars hat slanting sideways in the oversized collared button down shirt and boots with the dream life in my studio apartment. I'm the one in my senior hoodie and sweats, listening to Bruno Mars being judgmental with Wuthering Heights next to me, while having just finished Love and Other Drugs.
Having self-pity is a fucking disease. I really hate it. Yeah yeah yeah, shut up. I know I'm up to my ears in it. Fucking irony can go to hell along with the sarcasm.
P.S. It's a little weird thinking in cuss words when I personally don't say it anymore. Interesting.....whatever. I'm too annoyed to care.
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