I'm in one of those moods.
I'm young.
I have friends.
I have people who are there for me when I can't stand myself.
I don't have to really pay for housing.
I can make some side money.
I go to school.
I'm majoring in something that I want to pursue.
I live in a family that's not in poverty.
I really need to have these moods more often. It seems to make everything worth more while.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Me = Back to Monday
It's Monday again! But it's not really the stereotypical hateful Monday. I'm actually in a good mood for once....I just find that amusing enough to blog about it. Yeah...no life. Well, Mom's in Canada, so I'm having to arrange some rides around. Hopefully, by the end of this summer, I won't have to do that anymore. Bothering people for rides isn't very preferred. Frown. Hm.
I've realized that sometimes...things just suck overall and there's nothing you can do about it. It's a very depressing way to go about it, but still. Note to self: Need to be more confident. Still working on that. You'd think that by now, I'd at least have a little more self worth. Le sigh.
I've realized that sometimes...things just suck overall and there's nothing you can do about it. It's a very depressing way to go about it, but still. Note to self: Need to be more confident. Still working on that. You'd think that by now, I'd at least have a little more self worth. Le sigh.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Me = P.S. I Love You Style
So...Auntie went to my cousin's room for the first time in years, and was just cleaning out his desk, when she stumbled upon a closed envelope. Wasn't labeled anything, but there was something in it with a letter, so she looked through it against the light and saw my name so gave it to me when she came to visit today for dinner. To be just straight out honest, I didn't want to open it at first. Instead of Mt. Sac homework, Mt. Sac projects and art stuff for school, I just stared at it, while organizing clothes in the guest room for this fundraiser me and my friend are having on Facebook where we're selling our stuff to help the relief in Japan. Unfortunately...organizing clothes is like laundry, it gives your hands something to do, but it's just such mindless work that your brain just wanders everywhere, only this time, it wasn't wandering...even if I wish it did....damn.
There was a ring in the envelope along with a letter, congratulating me that I had graduated from college, and that he knew that I could do it. The ring was something that I had seen when I was in elementary school one time when I was hanging out with him and his older sister, and I said that I thought it was cool. Obviously, it didn't fit on my finger at the time. (Weird that it still doesn't..well it kind of? fits on my thumb?) He had jokingly said that if I was desperate that I could put it on a chain and wear it. Wow....son of a bitch.
There was a ring in the envelope along with a letter, congratulating me that I had graduated from college, and that he knew that I could do it. The ring was something that I had seen when I was in elementary school one time when I was hanging out with him and his older sister, and I said that I thought it was cool. Obviously, it didn't fit on my finger at the time. (Weird that it still doesn't..well it kind of? fits on my thumb?) He had jokingly said that if I was desperate that I could put it on a chain and wear it. Wow....son of a bitch.
Chickenscratch #14
You know...these weird dreams? With little girls? It's eerie, and sometimes? It's just natural. It's weird.
-----------------------------------
There was a little girl walking with someone just ahead of her. She couldn't have been older than 6, but she spoke like a college student. When a little rabbit darted in front of them, she squealed in excitement and went running after it.
"Don't run too fast! You'll fall!" The little girl didn't slow down, but instead stumbled over her own feet and went tumbling to a nearby bush. She fell so far into the bush that by the time the person went to go get her out, she was covered in tiny cuts and scrapes. "What did I say, you rebellious child?" the person teasingly scolded and lightly tapped her little nose. She winced.
"I'm sorry! I'll be careful next time!"
"Good." They kept on walking and the person grew taller and taller. From the back, it seemed as though the person was growing older. 17..18...19...20...21....25....27...30....34.....38....
Soon, the person dropped the little girl's hand and started to walk away towards another girl, taller, amazingly pretty, beautiful smile and such a kind face. They held hands and started to walk away. The little girl was distracted when he had dropped her hand and had been playing tag with a little black butterfly that was fluttering around her. When she realized that they were walking farther and farther ahead, she called to him and started to run. She wasn't careful and tripped and went stumbling, scraping her knees and palms. Not even completely standing up, she went charging after them and called his name again. It was as if time was playing an all too cruel trick on her, making her seem like she was getting slower like she was running in water. Again and again she would fall and scrape her knees and palms more and more. They were red with spots of blood by the time they were about to cross the street and she happily ran faster, excited that she was able to catch up even though at a certain point they had been just a dot to her squinting eyes. As she caught up to them, the pretty girl wasn't so pretty anymore. She was wearing a horrible scowl on her face and her equally horrible hand struck his face, knocking him off his feet and making him land backwards onto the grass. At this point, time was cruel again and made her freeze and watch the pretty girl walk away from him so carelessly and so indifferently. When he looked to the side, he cupped his swollen cheek. The little girl's eyes widened. He looked 40 and so upset at himself. When time let her move again, she quickly ran to him. As he was in a sitting position, she wasn't much taller than him when she ran up to him. She took his head into her arms and cried.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't do that again," she kept on apologizing. He seemed to understand and kissed her fondly upon her forehead.
-----------------------------------
There was a little girl walking with someone just ahead of her. She couldn't have been older than 6, but she spoke like a college student. When a little rabbit darted in front of them, she squealed in excitement and went running after it.
"Don't run too fast! You'll fall!" The little girl didn't slow down, but instead stumbled over her own feet and went tumbling to a nearby bush. She fell so far into the bush that by the time the person went to go get her out, she was covered in tiny cuts and scrapes. "What did I say, you rebellious child?" the person teasingly scolded and lightly tapped her little nose. She winced.
"I'm sorry! I'll be careful next time!"
"Good." They kept on walking and the person grew taller and taller. From the back, it seemed as though the person was growing older. 17..18...19...20...21....25....27...30....34.....38....
Soon, the person dropped the little girl's hand and started to walk away towards another girl, taller, amazingly pretty, beautiful smile and such a kind face. They held hands and started to walk away. The little girl was distracted when he had dropped her hand and had been playing tag with a little black butterfly that was fluttering around her. When she realized that they were walking farther and farther ahead, she called to him and started to run. She wasn't careful and tripped and went stumbling, scraping her knees and palms. Not even completely standing up, she went charging after them and called his name again. It was as if time was playing an all too cruel trick on her, making her seem like she was getting slower like she was running in water. Again and again she would fall and scrape her knees and palms more and more. They were red with spots of blood by the time they were about to cross the street and she happily ran faster, excited that she was able to catch up even though at a certain point they had been just a dot to her squinting eyes. As she caught up to them, the pretty girl wasn't so pretty anymore. She was wearing a horrible scowl on her face and her equally horrible hand struck his face, knocking him off his feet and making him land backwards onto the grass. At this point, time was cruel again and made her freeze and watch the pretty girl walk away from him so carelessly and so indifferently. When he looked to the side, he cupped his swollen cheek. The little girl's eyes widened. He looked 40 and so upset at himself. When time let her move again, she quickly ran to him. As he was in a sitting position, she wasn't much taller than him when she ran up to him. She took his head into her arms and cried.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't do that again," she kept on apologizing. He seemed to understand and kissed her fondly upon her forehead.
Chickenscratch #13
"It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter." It was like a chant. A string of constant desperate murmuring. A low mumbling of irony.
But it does matter.
"Shut up! It doesn't matter!" A few people were passing by when she screamed, but they didn't exist to her. She was alone in front of a mirror with a little girl stuck in the mirror.
Don't lie. I thought you promised you wouldn't do that anymore.
"It SHOULDN'T matter."
Don't be foolish. Even if it shouldn't, it still does matter to you, how they died.
"It's not my fault."
Oh, but it is. Deep down you know it is.
"No...no..noo...NO!" And with that her eyes widened and her cheeks were sickly pale. The little girl was smiling wickedly with tears streaming down her face. That smile.
But it does matter.
"Shut up! It doesn't matter!" A few people were passing by when she screamed, but they didn't exist to her. She was alone in front of a mirror with a little girl stuck in the mirror.
Don't lie. I thought you promised you wouldn't do that anymore.
"It SHOULDN'T matter."
Don't be foolish. Even if it shouldn't, it still does matter to you, how they died.
"It's not my fault."
Oh, but it is. Deep down you know it is.
"No...no..noo...NO!" And with that her eyes widened and her cheeks were sickly pale. The little girl was smiling wickedly with tears streaming down her face. That smile.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Me = Eye Oogling at Sushi
Not the actual sushi...although I so wish.
http://allthingspaper-annmartin.blogspot.com/2009/08/clare-wongoilan.html
Isn't it cool? :) I rather thought it was enjoyable to see. ^^
SuckerPunch tomorrow with Fae Mao and Nikki. Don't really care about how people say it's just a live anime video game. Yeah..um..that's the point? >.>'' And I don't understand how critics explain how the movie doesn't make sense...the girl is locked away in a mental asylum, how much logic..do you expect her to have compared to a supposedly normal human being? Just sit and enjoy the visuals. Thanks.
Grandparents are coming next Thursday. I foresee a very blatant wavering mindset in the near future. Although soon afterwards shall be Wicked and a Ski Trip. I currently have money to rent a snowboard. Yep!
The idea of dispersing away in different directions reminds me of a panicked population in a city when there is an alien invasion taking place, which is currently what I am experiencing. Just thought throw up and panic, but I suppose that is what happens when you become attached to someone. The idea of leaving is fairly an ugly reality that just is very unappealing in every aspect. I guess this is a chance to be truly independent if I have to play the optimistic role.
I have to be saving for prom...which is..hm....I don't know. The idea of prom is pretty fun, but the idea of spending that horrid amount is not. Groans. Hopefully, I won't have to pay everything I guess....
I'm hungry. -goes off to find food-
http://allthingspaper-annmartin.blogspot.com/2009/08/clare-wongoilan.html
Isn't it cool? :) I rather thought it was enjoyable to see. ^^
SuckerPunch tomorrow with Fae Mao and Nikki. Don't really care about how people say it's just a live anime video game. Yeah..um..that's the point? >.>'' And I don't understand how critics explain how the movie doesn't make sense...the girl is locked away in a mental asylum, how much logic..do you expect her to have compared to a supposedly normal human being? Just sit and enjoy the visuals. Thanks.
Grandparents are coming next Thursday. I foresee a very blatant wavering mindset in the near future. Although soon afterwards shall be Wicked and a Ski Trip. I currently have money to rent a snowboard. Yep!
The idea of dispersing away in different directions reminds me of a panicked population in a city when there is an alien invasion taking place, which is currently what I am experiencing. Just thought throw up and panic, but I suppose that is what happens when you become attached to someone. The idea of leaving is fairly an ugly reality that just is very unappealing in every aspect. I guess this is a chance to be truly independent if I have to play the optimistic role.
I have to be saving for prom...which is..hm....I don't know. The idea of prom is pretty fun, but the idea of spending that horrid amount is not. Groans. Hopefully, I won't have to pay everything I guess....
I'm hungry. -goes off to find food-
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Me = COLLEGE YIPS
How I Met Your Mother has taught me some things. TV shows overall have taught me quite a few things. Fae Mao....taught me many things. Life....don't get me cliche-ly started. ANYWAYS.....
(since I'm at work, but technically I feel the need to rant..here it goes...)
TO UCSD: You are TOTALLY MISSING OUT by not accepting my best friend. YEAH, I said it.
TO CSUF: PLEASE TELL ME IF I'M ACCEPTED OR NOT SOON! ;^;
TO WORK: This is NOT what I wanted when I mean that I wanted a little extra money on the side.
TO HIM: SHADDUP AND JUST LOOK AT ME FOR WHO I AM, NOT FOR WHO I WAS.
TO....UGH: STOP CALLING ME. I'M NOT YOUR THERAPIST. I'M NOT ANYBODY. I'M NOBODY.
TO STRESS: You will be the end of me someday.
TO MUSIC: Thanks for helping out so much.
TO BFF: SUCKS TO BE THAT COLLEGE BECAUSE THEY ARE MISSING OUT! D=
TO SCHOOL: END ALREADY! =.=
(since I'm at work, but technically I feel the need to rant..here it goes...)
TO UCSD: You are TOTALLY MISSING OUT by not accepting my best friend. YEAH, I said it.
TO CSUF: PLEASE TELL ME IF I'M ACCEPTED OR NOT SOON! ;^;
TO WORK: This is NOT what I wanted when I mean that I wanted a little extra money on the side.
TO HIM: SHADDUP AND JUST LOOK AT ME FOR WHO I AM, NOT FOR WHO I WAS.
TO....UGH: STOP CALLING ME. I'M NOT YOUR THERAPIST. I'M NOT ANYBODY. I'M NOBODY.
TO STRESS: You will be the end of me someday.
TO MUSIC: Thanks for helping out so much.
TO BFF: SUCKS TO BE THAT COLLEGE BECAUSE THEY ARE MISSING OUT! D=
TO SCHOOL: END ALREADY! =.=
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