Puppy! :D
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Me = Fail Abstract Artist
Either I'm not going to ever become an abstract artist or the concept is abstract art is just so foreign to me that I just can't grasp it at all. =.= I honestly can't really see how things work out in an abstract form. I suppose organizing geometric patterns into an abstract idea.....hm, I can see that. Well....still trying. Just thought that I should report it.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
20110206 The Shame of Defeat
Fits of contradictions always just scratched its nails upon the board for her.
Indifferent, but too sensitive.
Irate, but desperation to be crying in joy.
Alone, but offered to be cared for.
Wickedly torn, but still whole.
Empty, but filled with fraught hope.
It prickled the ends of her nerves and grated against them like a purring sea urchin pretending to be a friendly cat of some sorts.
It was a sneering, growling famished cannibal, on all fours like a beaten dog trying to defend itself and pounce.
It encircled its clever, little claws against the trapped, desperate sanity struggling against the wall as the monster grasped it by the neck.
It latched its teeth upon her simple dreams and gnashed them to mocking pieces of dust and burning sands.
It stung like a needle stabbed into her veins, emitting fires that left a trace of triumphant blood sliding down from her squeezed eyelids trying to wish the pain away.
But most of all,
It shamed her. It stripped her bare and revealed her most sinning thoughts of defeat and filled her wavering mind with the refusal to give up, the proposal to stand up again from her nightmares that promised that they would return.
Indifferent, but too sensitive.
Irate, but desperation to be crying in joy.
Alone, but offered to be cared for.
Wickedly torn, but still whole.
Empty, but filled with fraught hope.
It prickled the ends of her nerves and grated against them like a purring sea urchin pretending to be a friendly cat of some sorts.
It was a sneering, growling famished cannibal, on all fours like a beaten dog trying to defend itself and pounce.
It encircled its clever, little claws against the trapped, desperate sanity struggling against the wall as the monster grasped it by the neck.
It latched its teeth upon her simple dreams and gnashed them to mocking pieces of dust and burning sands.
It stung like a needle stabbed into her veins, emitting fires that left a trace of triumphant blood sliding down from her squeezed eyelids trying to wish the pain away.
But most of all,
It shamed her. It stripped her bare and revealed her most sinning thoughts of defeat and filled her wavering mind with the refusal to give up, the proposal to stand up again from her nightmares that promised that they would return.
20110206 Undiagnosed
"Loneliness is the emptiest, selfish feeling."
It wasn't like she was locked up in the nuthouse, but god damn it, she did feel like it.
It wasn't like she was forced to listen to the silence, but god damn it, the noises might as well be silence.
It wasn't like she didn't have friends, but god damn it, at the moment, it felt like it didn't matter that she did.
It wasn't like she didn't try to make plans, but god damn it, sometimes it just seemed useless to try to catch someone's interest like rolling strands of her hair between her trembling, impatient fingers.
It wasn't like she didn't love anybody, but god damn it, it seemed like such a desperate, weak feeling when at the back of her mind, she knew that she should be grateful.
It wasn't like she had nobody, but god damn it, sometimes it tired her out to always be the one to initiate something.
It wasn't like she was indifferent, but god damn it, sometimes it just seemed easier to give in to something that didn't demand effort because not caring came too easy.
It wasn't like she didn't want to change, but god damn it, sometimes the feeling of in the end being alone was a frequent visiting leech.
It wasn't like she couldn't just ask to have company, but god damn it, just knowing that she was high maintenance was something she absolutely detested.
It wasn't like she hated herself, but god damn it, she didn't like herself either.
It wasn't like she was simple, but god damn it, how frantically she yearned her life to be.
But it didn't make a single difference because in the end, she was still doing what she did everyday. Sitting out on the curb, pretending that she just wanted fresh air and really just waiting for someone to join her because she hated being alone.
It wasn't like she was locked up in the nuthouse, but god damn it, she did feel like it.
It wasn't like she was forced to listen to the silence, but god damn it, the noises might as well be silence.
It wasn't like she didn't have friends, but god damn it, at the moment, it felt like it didn't matter that she did.
It wasn't like she didn't try to make plans, but god damn it, sometimes it just seemed useless to try to catch someone's interest like rolling strands of her hair between her trembling, impatient fingers.
It wasn't like she didn't love anybody, but god damn it, it seemed like such a desperate, weak feeling when at the back of her mind, she knew that she should be grateful.
It wasn't like she had nobody, but god damn it, sometimes it tired her out to always be the one to initiate something.
It wasn't like she was indifferent, but god damn it, sometimes it just seemed easier to give in to something that didn't demand effort because not caring came too easy.
It wasn't like she didn't want to change, but god damn it, sometimes the feeling of in the end being alone was a frequent visiting leech.
It wasn't like she couldn't just ask to have company, but god damn it, just knowing that she was high maintenance was something she absolutely detested.
It wasn't like she hated herself, but god damn it, she didn't like herself either.
It wasn't like she was simple, but god damn it, how frantically she yearned her life to be.
But it didn't make a single difference because in the end, she was still doing what she did everyday. Sitting out on the curb, pretending that she just wanted fresh air and really just waiting for someone to join her because she hated being alone.
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